Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Eliza, damn you, your comment is a thorn in my side. You suggest that a weekly post shouldn't be outside the short-armed reach of a Slacker. And yet lately it is.

At first I thought: Ha, weekly posts are no problem. (Phase 1: Denial)

Next, I felt curmudgeonly. Damn this blog and its constant need of updating! (Phase 2: Anger)

And lastly, grief. And self-flagellation. I cursed my feeble willpower for buckling under the slightest weight of, say, Intervention. Or a cocktail. (Phase 3: acceptance)

So anyway, here's my update: I can't do the damn adoption thing.

Firstly let me thank my readership for the excellent information you provided on second parent adoption. And secondly, I'll mention that I am frankly humbled by your depth of knowledge and your connections; those of you affiliated with the lesbian mafia of NYC are, like, hot.

But I just can't do it. I refuse to participate in this nonsense. There is no doubt in my mind that if I submit to the process I will, at one stage or another, do something inappropriate (i.e. listing a brothel as a former address, or telling the home visit social worker that my doberman eats babies for breakfast). And inappropriate behavior will likely fuck up my chances of becoming Le Fetus' legal parent. So I'm gonna try not to go there. I'd rather just wing this shiz.

However, I am considering dressing in drag at the hospital (my name can be somewhat androgynous, so this could work) and seeing where that takes us.

Stay tuned for that, friends. The thrills just don't die around here.


Anonymous said...

i agree it sucks but have you explored other avenues like wills, power of attornies and standby guardianship.

there are other things to consider:

traveling out of nyc and even here you may encounter questions on "who you are". technically, you can't talk to a kid's teacher, their doctor, emergency personnel, sign a form, pick them up if you are not a parent. And paranoia about child abduction makes these scenarios happen a lot. I had to practically give a DNA sample to pick up my nephew as a favor to his mother and she called ahead!

Anonymous said...

I am 16 weeks pregnant with a baby concieved from my partners egg. Here in Pennsylvania, we can obtain a pre-birth order from the state to place both of our names on the birth certificate as mothers. No adoption is necessary, and all parenetal rights and responsibilities arerecognized by the state. I don't know about the law in NY, it might be worth looking into. We were helped by an adoption/surrogacy lawyer.

bleu said...


While you were away I double dog dared you to write a post a week and then you give Eliza credit??????????????????




Becky said...

I completely agree that you should dress in drag. What a great idea.

Please take pictures for me?

starrhillgirl said...

Yay drag! I think that's the best plan. Also, I second it - pictures, please.

Anonymous said...

it may seem like nonsense to those of us who have to adopt our own children in order to have legal rights to take care of them, but it may not be nonsense to our children. Ensuring your legal rights to your daughter makes it possible to not just pick her up from school and sign field trip forms, but to also have the authority to make major decisions regarding her physical and emotional health. Without adopting your child, you have as much decision making rights in her life as I do.

Someday you and your daughter may both appreciate you going through this incredibly insulting process in order to protect your role as her parent, for life.

Anonymous said...

one more thing about adoption:

Our lawyer told us that the law strongly favors genetic parents. In gross terms, if my partner and I were in a custody battle, in the absence of appropriate legal protections for me, she, the genetic mother, would almost without question win over me, the gestational mother. Learning more about adoption and legal custody issues may be what you have to do to protect E's parental rights. I know this is a horrible thing to say, but it's too important to gloss over. Protect your family.