Sunday, December 9, 2007

The Wrath of the Righteous

So why is every last birthing book on the planet written by Judgy McJudgerson?

E just finished The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pushing a Baby Out Your Vaghine. She read me random sentences from time to time, and the damn thing read like a Scientology pamphlet.

"Some women believe they will bond with their baby EVEN if they have an epidural. Sadly, this belief is INCORRECT and these delinquent whores will never successfully bond with their baby and are doomed to an unrewarding lifetime of exorcising their demons for having foolishly subjected their unborn child to spirit-altering substances." I swear that's a word for word sentence. Almost.

E very much wants a natural childbirth and is horrified by the prospect of a c-section. But - never having pushed a human out of her body - she reserves the right to sink her talons into my flesh and demand an epidural once labor kicks in. Fine. To each her own, especially in the throes of fucking childbirth. Right?

I was with my sister while she labored with her baby daughter at home. That was a whole other universe of awesome. But I readily admit that if I had a vial of painkillers handy I would have shot her up myself. It was agonizing to see her labor, and I had to fight the instinct to wrestle her unwillingly into a burlap sack and cart her off to the nearest hospital for immediate anesthesia.

Not because I thought it was unsafe for her to deliver at home, but because I wanted to rescue her from her dark island of pain. She was the only one there. I felt a harsh kind of helpless, watching her struggle.

But I suppose that is what childbirth is all about. Doing that shit all by yourself.

So, attention all birthing book authors: the sneak-attack proselytizing needs to stop. Seriously. Save that shit for the born-agains. At least I know I'll never buy one of their books.

E's 15 week appointment is tomorrow. Normally wary of impending bad news, we're feeling kind of heartened and reassured by E's belly that has become slightly round. She's not supposed to get an ultrasound, but she may or may not demand one...talons exposed.


owl from enough grows said...

It doesn't stop, ever. I desperately wanted an all natural, no drug, no procedures birth and i ended up with every intervention apart from forceps! I had a c-section in the two years since having my baby I have met midwives and other natural birth supporters socially who had felt nothing but pity for me because i obviously wasn't educated or empowered otherwise i would never have ended up in a c-section.
the hype books talk and the one sided opinions just made the fall harder in the days post birth when i realised i would probably never have the lower risk, natural, powerful vaginal birth i really really wanted.

yay! for 15 weeks and yay! for a tiny little round belly!

Becky said...

You're completely right about the judge-y stuff. Unfortunately, it never seems to end. Almost ALL of the parenting books I've bought (which makes a pathetically small stack) are like that, and the drive-bys from strangers (and family members!) are ever-so much fun!

I don't get that stuff. Why people get all hatin' on other people?

(Her belly looks ADORABLE. I love pregnant women. Well, mainly when they're not me. I suck at pregnancy)

The Indian said...

Ah, don't get me started. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. You've got all these books on the one hand and then the folks at the hospital who didn't want to work with me when I finally ended up there because I was a lesbian freak who had tried to give birth at home for 4 days before coming into the hospital. Just do it your way, ladies (whatever that ends up being at the time). It's the only "right" way and to hell with everyone else.

Drowned Girl said...

Watching someone in labour must be pretty awful, at least when you're actually doing it, a huge hormone rush overcomes you!

Kimberley said...

It's true the judge-y stuff never ends. God forbid you are unable to breastfeed - it's even worse than electing an epidural.

My twins were born via c-section at 36w3d. My son spent 12 days in the NICU. My daughter went straight to the boob, but not until after I practically bled out in recovery and spent a whopping 9 hours trying to be stabilized.

My children are my life. I love them and they love me. We are bonded in a way that nobody else can judge or explain. And screw anyone who tries to tell me otherwise.

You have to do what is right for you, and your baby -- based on the doctors, your instincts and the situation AS IT HAPPENS. Nobody can tell you now what you might have to do when the baby comes.

Congratulations on 15 weeks, and a happy, healthy, uneventful 25 more....