Friday, January 4, 2008

113dp3dt



To the Tumbling Little Hoodlum in E's Uterus,


We learned your sex today. Which, of course, is unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but because it gives us more insight into your mysterious self it is bewitching nonetheless.

Learning your sex was different than how I imagined it would be. I had many idealized visions of how the learning would happen. Mainly I envisioned being on the receiving end a lot of hand-holding and reassurance and calming words, but that is beside the point. I had a plan for the learning, because that is how I roll. That is how people taking baby-steps roll.

But the learning didn't go according to plan, and instead happened while I sat at my desk, which is where I find myself during many of life's big events.

(I promise not to be at my desk during your arrival. Swear.)

How strange and sad it was to feel my heart in my throat because the learning was different than anticipated.

Because what's the big deal about your sex anyway? It might not even be the right one -- who knows how you'll feel once you're out here experiencing the world in your body. (You can tell us later if it feels all wrong. Don't even stress about that. )

We assign all this significance to your sex. We have the big anatomy scan. Get a jump start on the gender thing. Meanwhile, you were probably in there thinking to yourself "Ever heard of the Fourth Amendment, people?" while we're rummaging about in your business, checking out your sex organs.

Creeps.

What's really important is meeting you in the flesh. You, out here, acting your own actions and thinking your own thoughts. Doing your little thing. That's what counts. What I'm trying to say is to hell with the plans. I'm certain this was merely the beginning of things that won't go according to plan, anyway. Welcome to being alive.

Plans don't matter. Nothing really matters, in fact, but being a good parent to you, your own little self.

Nothing matters but all of my actions from now until I die. Oops. There goes my blood pressure again. I should sign off before I start fucking you up a bit early.

See you on the other side, L.

With all the love in my racing heart,

GS

P.S. I've enclosed a photograph of your brother/manny ringing in the New Year. He is thrilled to learn that he has a sister on her way to this wild world.

6 comments:

Becky said...

Your Aunt Becky cannot wait to meet you, ickle one. Hope that all is well, and that you're giving your mommies a break before the sleepless nights begin.

Lots of Love.

B said...

A girl. Congratulations, although they would have been in order either way.

Enjoy the grrrrl power. And try not to freak out if she likes Disney Princesses, although for the love of all that is holy, please don't buy her one of those Princess makeup doll heads.

Kidding.

She'll be who she is, and you'll do an awesome job raising her.

Best,

Bree

Daisy said...

i knew it i knew it i knew it!!
Just a lucky guess. :) You are gonna LOVE having a little girl around the house, ya know, to bring out your fem side! HaHa It never goes the way you think it will. I hope she is full of awesome surprises for you two. Congrats!!
Daisy

the injector said...

your kid is a lucky one!

sfsueny said...

GS & E - how lucky to be born to the two of you as parents - how wonderful to come into this nutty world and be held in your arms.

How incredible to have the love and support of your family and friends who will be there to when anyone of you needs a 'time out'.

Love the pink & blue girl.

charlotte said...

aw. we'll have to exchange websites for kick ass clothes like pink onsies covered in skulls and crossbones (which of course we would also put on our boy infants). and you know what? although I agree with your marvelous post...and it doesn't matter and it is weird to know ahead of time, and she might really be a boy inside...BUT it totally matters. just like it matters if your bio sex matches your gender. it matters. it just does. and from someone who got the gender i didn't know what to do with (boy) i have to tell you that you will be an AWESOME parent to that girl. parenthood stretches you. it makes you into a better person and the love physically hurts. like, a lot. oh, one more thing in the unsolicited parenting advice department, you will totally need to pay for her therapy later, no matter what :) TOTALLY.

i am so happy for you guys. how far apart are our girls? maybe they can be penpals.