Thursday, September 20, 2007

7dp3dt

I forced poor E, traumatized from so many negative pregnancy tests, to pee on a stick this morning. It's early, I know. But I demanded she provide me with some concrete information about what the hell is going on in there.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, WOMAN, WILL I OR WILL I NOT BE DEALING DIRECTLY WITH LOOSE STOOLS SEVERAL TIMES DAILY NINE MONTHS FROM NOW?

But the damned thing didn't work. No second line and no pricking control line.

I'm certain she sabotaged it by not peeing for 5 seconds. Perhaps unintentionally, but one would think - due to her vast experience - she would have the skills to properly complete the necessary steps of a home pregnancy test.

I prefer not to think she misunderstood the simple instructions, and instead "accidentally" held the stick under the faucet, fearful of seeing another lonely line.

I say this because last night I read the "FAQ" section on the test instructions. One question asks:

What do I do if the test remains blank after 3 minutes?

Answer: read the instructions again, fool, and try again with a new stick, but this time put your tiny feeble brain to use and do it right.

And I thought to myself: what kind of imbecile screws up a home pregnancy test? And I laughed, cruelly.

So I'm going with sabotage.

5 comments:

daisy said...

IF, I had the courage to test on day 7, and NOTHING came up in the little window...I might just stab myself to death with it. Death by pee stick. Case closed.
Thinking about you every day!
Daisy

e said...

You're such an ass...but god you're funny!

sfsueny said...

GS - what I love about your blog is that I laugh hysterically & empathize completely. But...I must defend E on this one. love sfsueny.

CD & SP said...

ugh. foiled again.

infertilepediatrician said...

we're total POAS-aholics in our house and we start testing really early around here - as in way before there could even possibly be a positive (just to get used to seeing negatives and not have too high of expectations). We've gotten positives as early as 9dpo - so it's not too early (as long as you know that it could be too early and thus don't get too discouraged by a negative). Aggg, the test that didn't work would drive me crazy. Here's just how nuts we are about POAS - we always pee into a cup and dip the stick - that way if the results are questionable we can test again w/ another stick or another brand and still use FMU. Good luck and keep us posted!