Thursday, October 18, 2007

Disillusion Comes Only To The Illusioned

Last night our friends S1 and S2 came over to chill out. S1 is unbearably handsome and hilarious, and was also our #2 potential known-donor. Back in the day when we dreamt of a natural conception, we asked him, and he rejected us.

Lo, the heartbreak. For he is good-hearted and gay, if slightly mysterious and perhaps a wee bit of a druggie.

Anyways, after S1 did some prodding about the status of E's womb, E revealed that she was indeed just under 2 months pregnant, and there was much whooping and squeezing and excitement, which was sweet.

Then we started talking about how it know, how it came to pass that I managed to impregnate E.

Since, like, I'm a girl.

So we kind of had to educate S1 and S2 on IVF. And fuck if that wasn't a weird experience.

For all us who are intimately acquainted with IVF -- or have real life or virtual friends who are -- it's just IVF. One of the many tortuous ways one attempts to get pregnant when nature, for one reason or another, isn't helping.

Yes, yes, nightly shots, yes, daily wanding, yes, foot long needles. BFD.

I was sort of dismissively explaining the process, but the more I talked, the further their jaws dropped. They were fascinated, and couldn't seem to wrap their heads around what in the holy hell IVF is.


"Are you serious??"

"Needles where?"

"How often??"


And so on.

It was bizarre to revisit IVF through the eyes of a person who had never been there. I felt myself becoming re-acquainted with that feeling of utter disbelief and shock when first faced with an IVF protocol. The visceral rejection of such invasive medicine, a reaction stemming from belief and trust in our own bodies.

But the amazing part is how distant that feeling is now. How quickly we adapt to the fucked up stuff we face, and never really give ourselves credit by looking back and saying: holy christ, we did that, and it's over.

Because we're not really sure it's over. How long do we leave those drugs in the fridge? How long do we hang on to all those needles and alcohol wipes? When can we ship them off to someone else who needs them?

From cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty in a year flat.

So all that shock and awe felt pretty validating.

"You really did all that?"

Fuck yeah, we did all that.


Melody said...

Yep, it's huge. It's huge to go through that with your partner, come out on the other side, and know what you're capable of doing together and that you can absolutely count on the other person to go to crazy lengths for your family and to take care of you no matter what.

Scoutgjee said...

I shipped all of my drugs to Granolaville with my office stuff because I used to shoot up at work. I then threw them out and the Granolaville building janitor found them. The building manager pulled my record to make sure I wasn't an addict. Then he researched the drugs they'd found. Once I'd been cleared of all things suspicious, I was greeted one morning by a graying man in a workman's uniform, clutching a bag of IVF paraphernalia. He "didn't want to know the specifics" but wanted me to know that I had to "dispose of these items at a pharmacy, not in my employers trash." The secretary was agog. I went flush. Mr. Janitor still sees me around the building and looks at the floor. Maybe he's thinking about my barren pussy. That's my throwing away story. I am sure you'll have one of your own. ~Scoutgjee

j said...

I think it's ok to get rid of your drugs whenever you're ready too, whenever you're fully confident in the pregnancy.

Um, and if they're Follistim? I'm not to proud to beg.

starrhillgirl said...

Fuck yeah, you did that. Good job, y'all. Gold star for you, Gold Star.

Meg said...

Yeah, and later, it's kind of like: "See, little chicken, that's how much WE wanted YOU."

CD & SP said...

this may be a dumb comparison, but it's like when you first move to nyc and everything seems shockingly expensive and then you're like, oh yeah, i always pay $6.00 for a box of cereal! you just...adjust your expectations.

Drowned Girl said...

Tee hee

Anonymous said...

It is beautiful to experience pregnancy. But you don't seem to know the feeling of that surprise that after making love to the opposite sex, you create life that is a part of both of you. Something unexpected...not planned.